Throwing an idea at your partner that is going to involve: HUGE amounts of upheaval. Is likely to involve a certain amount of cost… and has by its very nature a large amount of unknowns is probably going to be met, in the beginning at least, with varying degrees of resistance. And I can tell you that if your partner is feeling a lot of resistance to the idea of moving country, his first line of defence is likely to be finances. You have to remember that your partner/husband has probably spent his childhood watching his father take the role of going out out to work and providing for the family very seriously indeed. It is the way men have defined themselves for generations. It is something that is ingrained in so many men across all sectors of society. It doesn’t matter whether your husband watched his dad going to work in a car factory or heading off to the office in a suit. Your husband’s father and grandfather probably took pride and satisfaction in bringing home the cash to put food on the table and buy the shiny new school shoes for their children. The idea of taking time out where he is not going to be able to rely on his usual income or where he feels providing for his family could be more difficult is quite likely to feel pretty worrying. And putting aside the typical gender differences around this subject; we ALL have very different feelings and emotions around the subjects of travel, big life changes and uncertainty as well as financial security. It doesn’t matter whether you are male or female these are all issues that trigger strong emotions. Emotions that your partner may well not even want to think about let alone deal with when you first raise the subject. I look at different ways of earning and supporting your life abroad in another post – click here. However it is important that you read the rest of this first, because unless you look at the bigger picture and deal with the concerns you both have around this you will never be able to move forward on planning this together. Here is an example to make you think about your own values around financial security. One of my favourite good life abroad authors, is Chris Stewart author of Driving Over Lemons. I love his passion for his adopted country, his self depreciating humour and the way he is able to recount all those quirky and bazaar experiences to be had from diving head first into another culture. I know that Chris came from a comfortable, upper middle class background and was educated at one of the most expensive private schools in the UK. However if you read his books you will learn that he has been happy to live his life searching out experiences that were all about adventure and quality of life with no thought for financial security at all. He and his wife, Ana spent every last penny they owned on buying a remote small farm in Spain and moved with no clear idea how would finance their existence. I love their story and their experiences but would I have been comfortable or able to do this myself? Absolutely no way. I shared a lot of the same goals: To find an idyllic rural paradise somewhere in the hills in Southern Spain or Portugal and take time to live a simpler life in a culture I had fallen in love with. But to try to do this with the level of financial uncertainty that Chris and Ana did would have made the experience so stressful for me that it would have taken away any possible enjoyment. Taking some time to plan,to save, to set up some a way of earning that doesn’t rely on you having to be in your home country the whole time is, for most people, a very good idea. One of the issues couples can face when they look at this subject together is that one partner may have values around financial uncertainty that are close to that of Chris and Ana and the other partner may feel they need the backup of property investment in their home country plus a couple of other secure income streams to make sure that they can continue to live with high levels of material comfort. Your vision of life when you move abroad may conflict – one of you may be happy to live a very simple life with low costs of living – whereas the other partner may still have plans for a large and comfortable car and the opportunity to spend on world travel. They may want to feel that they would be able to pay for private school fees to put their children in international school if necessary etc. Or maybe you own a house in a highly developed economy such as the UK or the US and you feel happy to cash this in to fund life in your new country. You have been spending too many nights surfing the internet to look at the cost of buying or renting in your dream location! And you have worked out that you could sell, pay off your existing mortgage and with the money left over buy an 8 bedroom property with land. Your partner however feels that selling up would amount to burning all your bridges. You would put yourselves in a position where, if your new life didn’t work out, you would find yourselves a lot worse off when you tried to move back and this would feel too much of a risk. Or maybe you are struggling to get on the property ladder in your home country and one of you has realised that you could buy a property outright with no mortgage for less than the amount you would need for a deposit for a one bedroom apartment in the South East of the UK. The other partner is saying it’s time to get realistic. It’s all very well buying a cute Finca in the mountains but you can’t live on love and you can’t live on a view. It might be that even the suggestion of a 6 month sabbatical gives your partner the collywobbles. Giving up the career he has worked in for over a decade and the financial security it brings to all your lives is something he doesn’t want to face. Having an open discussion about where your values lie on the issue of financial security is an important first step. It may be that you aren’t even really clear on where your own boundaries are around this issue. The other really important discussion to be had is what your dream life would look like and what your partner’s dream life looks like. Getting your finances organised to be able to set off for a life of travel and adventure takes work and commitment. If your partner feels that he would be happier or equally as happy remaining where you are this isn’t a shared goal. The work and commitment involved in getting there is likely to be a lonely journey because the momentum will need to be generated by you alone. If this is the case it is important that you don’t let your own dreams get sidelined and brushed under the carpet. He needs to understands that taking some time out to at least experience life in the country of your dreams is one of your most important life ambitions. You need to get focused on the task of making that 6 month sabbatical or even a 4 month sabbatical turn into a reality. Once you both have this time and distance from your current existence you stand much more chance of finding dreams you can share for the long term.